I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize