Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
