i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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