Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
