mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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