i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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