apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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