At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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