He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
