it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
