i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
