are you still at the devil's house?
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize