Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize