dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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