i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
