im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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