he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
