Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
