god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
