I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
