did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
