let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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