Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize