It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
