Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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