you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize