Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it glows. i had to have it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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