we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize