he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
