she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
