I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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