How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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