After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
