Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
