Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
