I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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