i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
