I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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