I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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