maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
