On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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