He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize