Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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