Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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