And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MIDGETS
????
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize