im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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