Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
