i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
