I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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