My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
