She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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