He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
