I need help removing her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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