So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
