This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
