Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
