Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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