somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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