her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
