the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize