Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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