Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize