the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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