I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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