I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
