You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
