VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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