were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
